If your husband acted like your dog I'd have him arrested.

When is it OK to shove your nose into a strangers crotch and drool? When you're a dog. Feel like body slamming someone? Put on a fur coat. Have an abundance of drool but no napkin? Use a strangers' pants!

My uncle says he's going to start a retirement home for dogs. All they'll do all day is eat, poop, and sleep. I say he needs a couple of hookers too if he wants those dogs to be really happy.

I like some dogs but I probably don't like yours as much as you do.