tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33266850423056165142024-03-08T12:55:40.864-08:00Making RaisinsThose aren't escaped grapes under the china cabinet. I'm making raisins.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-4268427025662453722011-06-06T14:04:00.000-07:002011-06-06T14:04:00.319-07:00RacismHey Skank,<br />
<br />
Did you know black people are people? I shit you not. Maybe in your sincere, clean living, heartland way you call good people "folks". In that case make it black folks are folks. Whatever. <br />
<br />
I know they don't have non-white people in your wealthy, middle of the country, fence around the neighborhood world but the shit you let people say is enough to back up a port a potty. <br />
<br />
And then you got mad at me for pointing out that the racist was a dumb ass. I didn't call her a fuck-tard. No unwillingly mentally challenged people were forced into a group with her. She choose to talk a hot mess that would get her ass kicked on the playground and I gave her a grown up ladies' critique. Oh the pain. Bitch deserved a grade seven beat down. And so do you for letting a shit sprinkler spray unchecked. ~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-55590334939850284462010-08-02T12:44:00.000-07:002010-08-02T12:46:55.699-07:00Motherhood is a marathonMotherhood is a marathon. When someone speaks of it with warm nostalgia, they're sharing a joy created since the particular event ended. Have you seen the faces of marathoners at mile five, when their feet already hurt but they know they're just getting started? Have you seen the delirium of mile fifteen? In the moment precious few of those people look thrilled to be there. After it's over they'll be proud of the accomplishment. The further they are from the day they did it the more fondly they remember the experience. The crazy man screaming obscenities at mile three transforms into singing bluebirds. They focus on the feeling of triumph at the top of Heart Attack Hill, not the pain of going up it. <br />
<br />
Motherhood is the same way. No one loves changing the third leaky diaper of the day at the time they're doing it. When they're looking back they don't remember the horror of holding the baby all night because he was feverish and they were terrified of convulsions. They remember holding the baby, a precious life that is comforted beyond words by your mere presence. It's OK not to love the individual moments and it's best to refocus some of the key scenes.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-41768175455319782592010-06-23T07:45:00.000-07:002010-06-25T07:46:03.460-07:00Jesus loves youbut even he thinks you're a bitch.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-15718850685605130512010-06-20T07:46:00.000-07:002010-06-25T07:47:54.578-07:00Strange and terrible things I did to my husbandChocolate bacon, snail bread, meatcakes. He's either crazy or he's got a great sense of humor. Probably both.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-10917547281446544522010-06-14T01:23:00.000-07:002010-06-14T01:29:27.364-07:00Detergent Throwdown follow-up<b>Background:</b><br />
<br />
I've been Cloth Diapering for just under two years. I used to have two in fluff but now it's just my boy, age one as of yesterday. I have a top loader, normal (not hard or soft) water, and a mix of pockets, fitteds and covers, AIOs and AI2s. PUL, microfiber, hemp, bamboo, and cotton all have a place in my stash. I have previously used Tide, All FC military, and Dawn. Then I tried Rocking Green after hearing all the raves and my quest for a cheap, convenient, and effective CD detergent began. I love RG but mail order is not convenient. This test was to help me determine if it is the cheapest detergent that does all that it does. <br />
<br />
<b>What's special about cloth diaper laundry:</b><br />
<br />
Most big brand detergents do not rinse out fully. That "fresh laundry smell" is actually leftover chemicals in your laundry. Over time that can build up and make your diapers leak.<br />
<br />
Additionally, CDs need to be cleaned more thoroughly than, for example, a shirt. Biological waste can make you sick. It needs to be fully removed from anything pressed against your baby 24 hours a day. A half a dose of detergent in a load of laundry typically does effectively remove or kill bacteria from diapers. How to tell? Leave your wet diapers in the washer for 48 hours. The smell you get when you open the washer is bacteria by-product. They were still living in your diapers. Some count on the heat of the dryer to finish the sanitizing. I'd rather just have them good and dead. (BTW, that scent left in your laundry by most big label detergents is designed to mask any bacteria smells.) <br />
<br />
<br />
And so began my test. <br />
<br />
<b>Crunchy Clean:</b> Didn't. Using the amount recommended gave me an outhouse scented house as soon as the diapers warmed up in the dryer. Gag, hork, spew. That let me know there was still human waste residue in my diapers. An ineffective wash. I tried using more per load as recommended by others on the cloth diaper board and wound up with a lot of residue in my diapers. I didn't stick with it long enough to have to deal with build up leaks and I was lucky not to face rashes but there was a lot of it in the diapers. It worked better than nothing on the rest of the laundry (towels, jeans, etc.) by doubling the amount but I won't buy any more.<br />
<br />
<b>Sudzy Baby: </b> I started cussing as soon as I opened it. You can see the shaved bar soap in it. This did not bode well for clean rinsing. I also knew I wouldn't be buying any more. If it worked it would show me that I could make my own detergent. It worked for regular clothes. For diapers it was a mess. I didn't feel like it was clean rinsing but they smelled clean enough coming out of the wash. Not "I want to take a big wiff of the freshness clean" but unsoiled. Then came the day I changed Bubba's diaper and was hit in the face with a burst of lavender. The only lavender in the house was in the Sudzy Baby. Clearly it was NOT rinsing out. He's also had a few rashes with it. Had I kept using it on the diapers I feel confident my satisfaction would have continued to decline. Instead I stripped and moved on to the next thing for the diapers. I do look forward to making my own detergent for the rest of our clothes though. <br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>Rocking Green: </b> It rinses clean. No build up, no smell, just nice soft fabric. Easily my favorite detergent for diapers. It also makes my husband's uniforms smell clean. They hold the funk in a way that Tide and All have never been able to cut even with Oxyclean or color safe bleach. Rocking Green also does a good enough job killing bacteria that if I forget a load in the wash for a day or even two it still smells OK when I get back to it. <br />
I HATE that it requires monogamy. Rocking Green does not play well with other detergents. If you switch to something else then when you switch back to Rocking Green you are supposed to "Rock the Soak", soak your laundry in Rocking Green and hot water for an hour. This process allows Rocking Green to bond to the residue in your clothes and then rinse it out. If you don't Rock the Soak well then buyer beware. If it was a clean rinsing detergent you'll be fine. If not then you may be rocking the funk. <br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>Hard Rock: </b> I don't get it. It's supposed to be a souped up version of Rocking Green but I guess I don't have whatever the problem is that it solves. I told the maker of RG that I had regular water but she said I should try Hard Rock anyway. I tried. It didn't seem to make any difference. Since I don't have any complaints about RG I guess I wouldn't know what to look for in an improved version.<br />
<br />
<b>Tiny Bubbles: </b>What a crock. 4 Tablespoons for a top loader?!? That's twice as much as recommended by any of the other CD detergents I tested. It better be cheap. Yeah, it's not. It's not particularly clean rinsing or super active either. It didn't even get all the washable fingerpaint out of a painting smock.<br />
<br />
That's it for now. I have a few more things in the basement to test but I like to give it several tries on the CDs (I wash every two or three days) and a few loads of regular laundry before I post about it. To do that to a few detergents takes a month or more. More reviews once I have more data. :)~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-410034872508582392010-06-10T06:17:00.001-07:002010-06-10T06:17:56.847-07:00Doner TimeSo good my kid tried to suck the flavor out of the menu.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-29107742442537375092010-06-07T06:25:00.000-07:002010-06-07T06:49:23.348-07:00Chocolate Bacon Part TwoI already covered how such a thing would occur to me <a href="http://making-raisins.blogspot.com/2010/05/chocolate-bacon-part-one.html">here</a>. Now on to the process because I know you are absolutely dying to make some yourself. Actually you probably want to know how it tasted and how my unsuspecting husband responded but I've got photos to use so you're going to have to scroll a minute.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Hack bacon into bite size pieces and cook it. When defining "bite size" remember bacon shrinks considerably when cooked. I used kitchen shears to cut four slices at a time and then peeled them apart to cook.<a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=Brandiscamera092.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="300" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/Brandiscamera092.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Cook it as flat as possible. I used a bacon press. Flatness will cook off the fat for a longer shelf life and make it easier to candy coat.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=Brandiscamera093.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="300" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/Brandiscamera093.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Drain and blot. Greasy bacon has it's place but under chocolate isn't it.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=Brandiscamera094.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="300" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/Brandiscamera094.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Melt some <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Log-House-Chocolate-Candiquik-16-Ounce/dp/B000V9EDM6?ie=UTF8&tag=makingraisins&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">candy coating </a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=makingraisins&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B000V9EDM6" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" />according to package directions<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=Brandiscamera096.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="300" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/Brandiscamera096.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Roll the bacon in the melted chocolate one piece at a time. Place it on waxed paper to dry. Note the care and attention to detail I used. Master craftsman I am not but it's still chocolate and bacon. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=Brandiscamera098.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="400" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/Brandiscamera098.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br />
<br />
So, how'd it taste? When I fed it to the hubby I didn't tell him what it was. He couldn't identify the bacon on his own. He thought it was some sort of exotic nut. The crunch was obvious but it was not excessively pork-like. Once you know what it is it tastes like chocolate and bacon. Sorry I can't be more descriptive but that really does cover it. Both good. Both still good together. Not great enough to make again. It's a major calorie bomb and for that kind of diet damage it needs to be at least as good as Ben and Jerry's. Do they have a bacon flavor yet?~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-75270930671453070842010-05-31T02:34:00.000-07:002010-05-31T02:34:52.034-07:00A lot of men would be a bit shaken to find their wives intently pureeing bacon fat. Mine offered to go buy white flour if I'd keep the whole grain out of his biscuits.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-76074386426240215132010-05-29T13:26:00.000-07:002010-06-07T06:27:00.615-07:00Chocolate Bacon Part OneParenting boards are really just a place to unleash your inner bitch. It's a constant game of one-ups-manship, the only place you can say, "That's an OK carseat if you don't care about safety," and still be welcome the next day. When the conversation turned to bacon I knew no good would come of it. I was right. <br />
<br />
The bacon chocolate bar. What the hell? <br />
<br />
<iframe align="left" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=makingraisins&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B001LMT1CY&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="height: 245px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 5px; width: 131px;"></iframe>I tried to deny it's existence but if it's on the internet it has to be true. So I did the only thing I could. I made some chocolate covered bacon. For now you'll have to wonder how it went. I'm going to bed.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Edit 6/7/10: I finally wrote <a href="http://making-raisins.blogspot.com/2010/06/chocolate-bacon-part-two.html">part two. </a>~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-1980719347069248092010-05-28T12:29:00.000-07:002010-06-06T14:37:49.506-07:00Strawberries vs Puffed SugarYou can learn a lot about a girl's home life by how she eats when she's not at home. Among the choices tonight at Girl Scouts were strawberries and mini-boxes of cereal, the sugar coated cardboard kind your parents let you eat on vacation.<br />
<br />
One girl's eyes grew wide with shock. Was I really going to let them eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch as a side dish? Yeah, actually, I was. At least they put vitamins in the ground and puffed fiber sheets before they shatter the bits and spray them with sugar. The tortilla chips the girls used as ranch dip spoons were untroubled by healthy additives. She had a few grapes and strawberries too but it was the cereal that held her attention. She nibbled like a rabbit, one quick bite at a time, ready to drop the box and run if her mother burst in. <br />
<br />
Some of the other girls were focused on the strawberries. Quickly, greedily, sloppily, they dove in. How many can I take? Can I get more? They ate as many as they could and asked to take the rest home. They left exactly one. No one took the last one, that would be rude, but they took every other one.<br />
<br />
The strawberry girls were completely puzzled by the cereal. Why was it there? How could cereal be party food? They didn't touch it. With strawberries in both hands they'd have had a hard time picking it up if they wanted to. The cereal girl knew the joy of a good strawberry but she also knew an opportunity when she saw one.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-393162051377349412010-05-27T12:29:00.001-07:002010-05-27T12:29:48.506-07:00I have only mastered the fartsy portion of artsy fartsy. ~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-82536819033984708012010-05-21T06:16:00.000-07:002010-05-21T06:16:00.371-07:00NiceI'm not naturally a nice person. If I didn't squeeze you out of my body or eat cake with you before I was old enough to know how to use a fork then I probably don't know when your birthday is. If I do happen to have it written down I'm probably not going to send a card. I just don't give a crap about birthdays. I bother to celebrate them for the people I love because there's always a chance they do care but, seriously, your mom and her doctor deserve way more of the credit for your birthday than you do. <br />
<br />
I think there may have been a third day of puberty education when they taught sassy young girls how to become nice young women but I didn't go that day. Day Two blew my mind. How on earth do guys get a good night's sleep knowing they have a weapon that could go off at any moment? It sounded like sleeping with a water balloon to me. Fascinating and terrifying but not nice.<br />
<br />
Now that I'm older I'm working on niceness. I don't want to be June Cleaver creepy nice, I just want to remember to use the word "Please" before "build a bridge and get over it."~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-17871768233705560412010-05-20T07:45:00.000-07:002010-05-21T05:30:10.107-07:00You named your band what?One day, after I learn to play an instrument, I will form a band. I will not name it "Blistered Nutsack." Why? Consider the likelihood of ever hearing any of the following phrases:<br />
<br />
<i>You know what really kicks a party up a notch? Blistered Nutsack.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>What's fun for the whole family? Blistered Nutsack.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>I want a Blistered Nutsack for Christmas!</i><br />
<br />
At my house we have recently heard, "Can you come take a look at this (blistered nutsack)?" It's not fun for the looker or the lookee.<br />
<br />
<br />
** Edited 5/21/10 to add - My husband requested that I tell you his nutsack is looking good and feeling fine. (That is what you wanted me to say, right hon?)~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-47702300617761596622010-05-19T06:50:00.000-07:002010-05-19T06:51:30.503-07:00Brilliant product #1Who says Germans have no sense of humor? It's an inflatable jetski. <br />
<a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=food025.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="300" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/food025.jpg" width="400" /></a>~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-43692825328967652542010-05-16T12:47:00.000-07:002010-05-16T12:49:08.472-07:00Piping hot funNot infrequently while watching Iron Chef my husband will say, "Once the kids are a little bigger you should try doing some of this cool presentation stuff." He's already content with the flavor but somehow he doesn't find a puddle of it on a chipped plate visually appealing. You'd think after the <a href="http://making-raisins.blogspot.com/2010/04/meatcakes.html">meatcakes </a>incident he'd never utter such insanity again but he did. So I got out the mashed potatoes and gingered carrots and had a bit of fun. Be forewarned, I am not a master of the visual arts. Hanging pictures is beyond my spacial and design skills.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=food028.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="239" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/food028.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=food029.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="282" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/food029.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=food030.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="240" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/food030.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
It's eyes you perv. Eyes.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=food031.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="240" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/food031.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
Eyes and a nose. It's a muppet. Definitely not whatever it is you're thinking. Some people are just so naughty. Go stand in the corner and spank yourself.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-11416594776750518382010-05-15T14:02:00.000-07:002010-05-16T12:11:30.571-07:00Ripped vetoIf you've crossed the line between toned and ripped you're spending too much time at the gym. Why is it ripped anyway? Ripped is not a good thing. Ripped jeans are bad 80s. Ripping a wave is surf goob. <br />
<br />
Lumpy is a more accurately descriptive term. Can't you hear it in the bar? "Oh yeah. He's hot. Totally lumpy."~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-39854024876513118422010-05-15T12:05:00.000-07:002010-05-15T12:05:00.402-07:00Curious George's Man with the Yellow Hat reminds me of a guy I used to date. I wonder if he'd have been a happier person if he'd spent more time on inter-species pseudo-familial relationships and less on Asian porn.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-78188542250208850432010-05-14T06:55:00.000-07:002010-05-14T06:55:00.133-07:00Have I become immortal or is this day dragging on forever?~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-14392539484808036872010-05-13T13:19:00.000-07:002010-05-11T13:23:02.395-07:00Sayyay<i>Setting: The bathroom</i><br />
<br />
Mama: Do you need to potty, honey?<br />
Child: Not now. I want to sayyay.<br />
Mama (puzzled): Uh, OK. I'll go first.<br />
<br />
<i>Cue sound effect.</i><br />
<br />
Child: Yay, Mama. You did it. Yay!~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-67033698558115932782010-05-12T06:26:00.000-07:002010-05-12T11:05:16.250-07:00The officeMr. Raisin and I are downsizing our life soon. We've decided that a dramatic decrease in the amount of kevlar in our lives would lead to a similarly dramatic increase in our happiness. I don't mean psychic kevlar; we aren't emotionally abusive or anything worthy of a Lifetime movie. I mean I've been told, "It's unclear if I can tell you where I'm going but call USAA and tell them to enable my debit card for <span style="background-color: black;">(redacted)</span>." I mean, "I can't tell you where I am but I can tell you our security guys are in a shit ton of trouble for not even noticing the film crew from Fox on that sand dune until they saw the building we're sitting in on TV." I mean, "Remember when I said I'd be home Friday? Well there's a one in seven chance I'll come home on a Friday but there's a zero percent chance it will be this month." <br />
<br />
So, yeah, we're not doing that any more. <br />
<br />
In this economy his sparkly new civilian job will probably pay peanuts but peanuts are edible. The question is how small our new home will be. As the primary cleaner of our living space I'm pushing for pretty darn cozy. Two adults and two kids could theoretically live with three bedrooms but Mr. Raisin needs an office. He doesn't demand one but he does have a passionate love of crap. Flea markets, thrift stores, dollar stores. These are his other women. Tiger Woods may have brought home crabs but my husband has brought home used taxidermy. Twice.<br />
<br />
Yeah, even if the kids have to share a room Mr. Raisin will definitely get an office.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-39391059574308647082010-05-11T06:25:00.000-07:002010-05-11T06:25:57.701-07:00I love you Mr. RaisinMy husband is the best guy in the world. I have the data to back that up. I was 13 when I went on my first date. I was 30 when I got married. From this we can infer that I spent 17 years kissing frogs to find my prince. Damn that's a lot of frogs. <br />
<br />
I love you Mr. Raisin and apologize in advance for the ribbing I'm giving you tomorrow.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-57253088094246381642010-05-10T08:18:00.000-07:002010-05-10T08:19:00.030-07:00I read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Tango-Makes-Three-Peter-Parnell/dp/0689878451?ie=UTF8&tag=makingraisins&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">And Tango Makes Three</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=makingraisins&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0689878451" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" /> to Froggy. So far she's neither gay nor a penguin.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Tango-Makes-Three-Peter-Parnell/dp/0689878451?ie=UTF8&tag=makingraisins&link_code=bil&camp=213689&creative=392969" imageanchor="1" target="_blank"><img alt="And Tango Makes Three" src="http://ws.amazon.com/widgets/q?MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL160_&ASIN=0689878451&tag=makingraisins" /></a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=makingraisins&l=bil&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0689878451" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" />~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-31707712493405472592010-05-08T05:11:00.000-07:002010-05-08T05:11:00.557-07:00Songs of Germany #2: Summer WineYou know how some songs dominate a summer? This was it for Summer 2007. We later found out it was part of Das wilde Leben, a movie about a groupie in the 60s.<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8VpOJeUBhY~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-5012581398257649352010-05-07T04:47:00.000-07:002010-05-07T04:47:00.361-07:00Songs of Germany #1: Sexy BackOh, Justin Timberlake. Oh, how you mocked me. The year was 2006 and you were hot, hot, hot you little twat, twat, twat. Do you know what an increasingly pregnant woman doesn't want to hear? "I'm bringing sexy back" repeated 9 million times over three minutes, break for commercial and play it again. <br />
<br />
As I was driving the A6 back and forth from Schwetzingen to Mannheim and puking into my grocery sack you were bringing sexy back. Months later my daughter kicked the hell out of my belly dancing along to your club mix. You know what's not hot in the club? A hugely pregnant woman. <br />
<br />
You slacker you still didn't have sexy back by the time I quit work in late June 2007 but you were still talking about it. I couldn't type because my hands were too swollen. A lack of air conditioning, an office downwind from the dump and fifty pregnancy pounds combined to make me leave a job I loved sooner that I would have liked. I thought I was leaving you behind too but no, it was not to be. My daughter adored you from the day she was born and occasionally I'd have to <a href="http://www.amazon.com/FutureSex-LoveSounds-Justin-Timberlake/dp/B000H305U0?ie=UTF8&tag=makingraisins&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">whip out the Timberlake</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=makingraisins&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B000H305U0" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" /> to quiet the Froggy.~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3326685042305616514.post-70994828105465007922010-05-06T04:39:00.000-07:002010-05-16T12:58:38.143-07:00My son the trannyIt's May and in the 40s. That's sick and wrong but we still need groceries. I got Froggy bundled up and ready to go without problem but I could not find a coat for Bubba. Not wanting to waste the goodwill of my kids I gut checked my feminism (yep, still there), grabbed one of the girl's coats and put it on the boy. Oh the horror! He's 10 months old and wearing a pink sweater with a maribou edge on the hood! Clearly his penis will crawl back inside his body now and form a vagina.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=samindrag001.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="300" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/samindrag001.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
More likely he'll sue me when he's older. I expect a class action suit from his entire generation. They've lived out their lives online, Truman Show style, without payment. Constitutional privacy violation, career mismanagement of a child star, emotional harm. Can't wait to see this one play out in court.<br />
<br />
Ah well. If I'd had the boy first I wouldn't have thought twice about putting his coat on her. Tough luck, Bubba. At least I never gave into his father's plan to dress him all in pink, take him to the mall and tell old ladies goo-gooing at him, "He's not a girl. My baby is gay."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/?action=view&current=samindrag005.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="300" src="http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff196/uncodified/Blog/samindrag005.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>~B~http://www.blogger.com/profile/11334882790692404843noreply@blogger.com0